June 2010
1 post
Dairy Tales
Everyone loves ice cream. You love it, I love it, everyone else loves it, right? Wrong.
I think, and this is just a theory, that once there was a guy who was just kind of like “meh” when it came to ice cream. I also think, ONCE AGAIN, A THEORY, that this guy wouldn’t mind if I wrote his life fucking story right here and now.
Francis Wrethnull: The Boy Who Didn’t Care...
February 2010
1 post
The Menu At A Restaurant On The Moon Owned By A...
Welcome To Jeff The Lesser’s Earth Cuisine!
APPETIZERS!
Chicken Fingers! Strips of fried chicken that may look suspiciously sharp to the untrained eye. Get them closer to your eye to know the truth. Get them closer to all of your eyes!
Onion Rings! Typical onion rings, made of onions. Yep, just made of onions. Really great, trust me. Just onions.
Spinach Dip! Remember those two aliens...
November 2009
1 post
Diary Of A Guy That Hates Sand
November 17, 2009 9:24 A.M. Went through security at the airport about an hour ago. Got picked for additional searching. Must’ve thought I had sand or something. What made me really mad about it was that they didn’t do anything about the guy in front of me who looked like someone who would definitely bring sand on a plane. I’m not usually for stereotyping, but come on,...
October 2009
1 post
The Spider That Reviews Movies
Hey guys me again, the spider that reviews movies. I’m back with some reviews that are going to knock your spider squashing boots off! I wish I could start this entry out with a better introduction but my lifespan is only one year so lets just jump right in!
Where The Wild Things Are
This movie sucked harder than someone trying to save one of my many victims. It is about a human boy...
September 2009
1 post
Mini Gulf War
So college is alright, I think we can all agree with that, but with the job market in the shape it’s in I’m beginning to rethink this endeavor. Why waste all this money to prepare for a career that isn’t going to be available when I graduate? How can any of us know what our futures hold? Needless to say, I took this semester’s tuition and gave it to a fortune teller...
July 2009
2 posts
The Funeral Of Martin "Repo" Helton: Part Two
READ PART ONE FIRST
An elderly woman slowly makes her way to the podium. She is softly weeping and carrying a bag of 30 red Solo cups.
Janice
“Hello Martin’s friends and lovers, my name is Janice and I am the late Martin’s grandmother. First and foremost, I have brought the Solo cups you mentioned in the voicemail you left me about Martin’s passing.”
...
The Funeral Of Martin "Repo" Helton: Part One
Minister
“Welcome, everyone, to the funeral of Martin Helton. ”Repo” to his bro’s, “disappointment” to his parents, Martin lived a chill life. Born in Camden, New Jersey, a young Mr. Helton found pleasure in some of the more unimportant things in life. Reading, writing, and philosophy, though deemed “retarded” by most scientists, were...
May 2009
1 post
Goodbye
Friends, there is no easy way to say this so I’m just going to type it. I have contracted swine flu. The doctors have given me a solid prognosis and say I should be dead in about 82 years. DAMN THIS CRUEL DISEASE! As I obviously need to preserve these precious final moments and dedicate them to living life at it’s fullest, I will now write out my final wishes.
Wish #1
I want to...
March 2009
2 posts
Twit 'Er Done!
Recently I’ve gotten into the website twitter.com. Twitter is basically a site people use to write short little updates like “Josh is about to murder Steve” and “Steve is wondering why Josh is in his house.” Pretty much just a facebook status.
Let me make this clear, I do not use twitter and I’m pretty sure I never will. This is my main draw to it:...
Alice In Chains
I have a friend who has this “problem.” There is a girl that likes him and therefore will do anything and everything for him. Anything my friend even mentions, she’ll go do it just like that. He likes her too, but he doesn’t really know if he should make a move or not. Now, I haven’t had the opportunity to share my advice with him yet, but I think it’s...
February 2009
2 posts
It is 3:30 in the morning, here are pictures of...
Nicholas II Turn Ons - Medals Turn Offs - Jews
Nicholas II ruled Russia for a solid 22 years but his hit single “Kiev’n up the Place” only reigned over the motherland’s pop charts for a mere seven weeks in the summer of 1896. Shown above in his bathing suit, Nicholas was one of the more power-thirsty Russian czars. Almost daily he warned his servants that if...
So I made one of these.
Following in the footsteps of great men and Matthew Plowman, I have decided to make a Tumblr. My name is Chris.
This is where I will share with you my deepest thoughts. You will hear about foods I like, animals I have seen, and most importantly, movies I think are totally gay.
Let’s get this shaux on the rauxd.
I own, ride around town, and lock up nightly one of the things in this...