Welcome To Jeff The Lesser’s Earth Cuisine!

APPETIZERS!

Chicken Fingers!
Strips of fried chicken that may look suspiciously sharp to the untrained eye. Get them closer to your eye to know the truth. Get them closer to all of your eyes!

Onion Rings!
Typical onion rings, made of onions. Yep, just made of onions. Really great, trust me. Just onions.

Spinach Dip!
Remember those two aliens I was able to kill before you enslaved me? This isn’t them.

Breadsticks!
I serve these while wearing a special flavor suit! When I place them on your table I hide behind something sturdy nearby, for flavor!

Buffalo Wings!
Your emperor would probably like these, do you know him?

ENTREES!

Hamburger!
A slab of Earth meat that perfectly resembles an alien throat! Suck it down in one bite and it’s on me!

Cheeseburger!
Just like our famous hamburger except it explodes. Cheese upon request.

Hot Dog!
The more you own the key to my cell the more you’ll enjoy this one!

Personal Pizza!
All your friends get free dessert if they don’t give you mouth to mouth! Quite a deal!

Captain Greg Spukowski!
I politely request that you don’t order this.

Fettucini Alfredo!
Eat it you motherfuckers!

Pancakes!
Show your parents who’s the man by getting breakfast for dinner! Maybe they’ll let you ride in the front seat when you’re an urn.

Dessert!

Apple Pie!
A staple in American cuisine! Literally, a staple in American cuisine!

Chocolate Cake!
Fills you up without turning you into fuel for my spaceship!

Ice Cream!
Customers must close their eyes from the time this dish is handed to them to the moment they finish it.

Drinks!

Beer!
Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Poison Milk!
I have no excuse for this one. Mandatory.